Dear Maddie

Dear Maddie,

Two years ago today, I hid behind a curtain begging God not to take my baby, I watched as so many Doctors and Nurses took such good care of you trying to find a way to keep you here on earth, trying to save you. My prayer began changing as the morning went on, I began asking God to please, if you would not be able to come home with us, to please bring you home to Heaven quickly, I did not want you to suffer. It would be my last way to parent your physical body to let you go quickly, and yes God answered my prayers he brought you home to Heaven quickly and you passed away so peacefully in my arms.

Today, 2 years later, my arms still ache to hold you, I glance at your picture at least 100 times a day. And in so many of my daily conversations I am able to say your name and talk about you. I wonder, what you would be like at 2, if you would be silly like Bridgette, Sweet like Samantha or a thinker like Teddy, or maybe you would be snuggly like Olivia or crazy like Alexis. Would you be short like Samantha or maybe a little taller like Bridgette??

So much has happened these past 2 years, I continue to share the story of your life with so many people. And me sharing you has allowed so many people to open up and to share thier Angel Baby stories, thier beautiful children that also left us too soon. I know I am being guided by God to share your story.

I know you were a gift from God, and he gave me the wonderful gift to enjoy you for 9 days before bringing you home to Heaven. I know September 14, 2008 was your day to have all the glory and be with our creator, and he gave me the gift of you and I will ALWAYS be thankful for being chosen to be your Mom. I sing praises to God every single day for the gift of all 6 of my children, and the fact that he sent Samantha, Bridgette and Teddy home so healthy after being born so small tells me that it was always his plan to bring you home to him, and to me the gift was given of 9 days, thank-you dear God.

Love always,

Mom

Happy 2nd Birthday!!!

Where did the time go?? Today I have three 2 year olds, they are not little babies anymore. And they are so much fun!!!

Samantha at 2, is sweet and loves her baby dolls, loves her blanket, which she calls "kiki", and loves to bite Bridgette. Yep Bridgette is Samantha's chew toy. She can warm your heart in a second with that irresistable smile.

Oh Bridgette, she is quite the character. What a hoot and she really gives me a run for my money. She talks talks talks, not sure where that comes from. She can recognize most letters of the alphabet, has a very large vocabulary, enjoys climbing out of her crib, seriously has monkey toes and grips her feet around things to climb, a new favorite thing is to climb into her sister and brothers crib. She is the boss of the trio, but if she gets too bossy watch out for Samantha because she will bite her. Bridgette has no fear and wants to do all the things her big sisters do.

Ahhh Teddy my little man. He is a thinker, he figures things out. Definately good at manipulating objects, stacking, building. Wants to get right in and help with all of the fixing around the house. He LOVES to have time with him and Daddy. He likes to observe and will stay out of Samantha and Bridgettes way so to avoid being hit or bit by the little girls. He has a large vocabulary but does not talk much unless he really wants something, of course with 4 sisters how can he get a word in. He is mamas boy and sweet and snuggly too.

Maddie, our little Angel, she is part of lives everyday we talk about her, think about her and miss her. I can not believe it has been almost 2 years since I held her last.

This years party was simple, Alexis made a sign look hard it says "Happy Birthday" Although bathday was more appropriate by the end of the day. :)

The table for my 5 to eat at.

The table for Mom, Dad, Grandpa, Auntie, Uncle and cousin. :)

The simple theme ran over to the wraping. Yep I only bought 2 presents for 3 kids, and they were wrapped in simple brown paper, that came in the packaging from the box they arrived in from the mail. Alexis and Olivia decorated the wrapping paper!! :)

Bridgette woke up early and helped color her own wrapping paper.

Alexis, Olivia and I made a simple cake completely from scratch, all purpose flour, butter, milk, homemade buttercream frosting. Not fancy but really tastey. :)

The kids enjoyed the cake. Samantha, Bridgette and Teddy.

Samantha

Then it was time to wish Maddie a Happy Birthday!! Teddy and cousin Matthew!!

Those 5 balloons really stayed together. The 5 from her siblings to her!! :)

Daddy bought extra balloons, smart man. Present time.

Eco friendly wrap = eco friendly toys. They got a parking garage and a Eco Town by plan toys. Got them on sale last December and they sat in my basement for all that time. :)

They will be getting another party with my Dad and Donnies Mom next weekend, and Olivias birthday will be celebrated too. :) Lucky little kids getting lots of parties.

Thanks for peeking in on us!! :)

Madeline

Here is Madeline, "Maddie", just seconds old.





Maddie was the 4th born of my quads. Weighing in at just 2 pounds 1 ounce and 13.5 inches in length. She was just a fiesty little thing.





Here is Maddie the morning after she was born, just 14 hours old, the nurses took this with a polaroid camera. Cute little button nose just like Samantha.



Look how blond she was. Just like Alexis. She is showing off her Ventilator used for breathing that first day. (Teddy and Bridgette would be on and off that ventilator for weeks)

Look at my sweet Maddie at just 2 days old. Showing her spunky personality and on the CPAP for breathing assistance. The next step up from the vent.

here is Maddie snuggled so sweetly in my arms. She is just 3 days old here.

She is looking at me like she knows something, I think she knew that her time here was short and she was telling me. She was so content in my arms. Oh if I only knew what was to come I would have held her all week, and not let her go.

Look at Maddie at just 4 days old, she was showing off that she had moved to high flow for breathing. WOW almost all the way to no breathing assistance. What a little fighter. This is my most favorite picture of her.

On day 8, September 13, 2008 at 12:00AM the phone rang. I started saying, "please let it be Don's work", I could not move to grab the phone, Don answered it. It was the NICU Maddie had some blood in her stool she was immediately started on atibiotics. I rolled over and thought, it's Maddie, she is doing awesome, she'll be OK. I was not prepared for what I saw when we got there that morning.

Day 9, September 14, 2008, the worst day of my life. They took a peek inside to see what turned her so criticle on day 8, why her stomac was so enlarged. Only to find out that half of her stomac had died and all of her intestines had died. This can't be she was so fiesty, so full of life, how can this be, please God please no.

We asked to have her Baptised as quickly as possible. They dressed her in a tiny little gown. So pretty.

Daddy's holding her timy little arm. I can see the love in his grip.

The Chaplain at the hospital is Baptising her.

I am still holding out for a miracle. God can do anything.

Oh baby girl, how I love you so much. You will be the most beautiful Angel in Heaven.

Daddy holding Maddie for the very first/last time. Sweet baby girl Daddy loves you so much, he can not find the words to tell you how much. Soon very soon you will find out.

We LOVE you!!

Mom is never going to let you go, I want to hold your sweet body forever. The Dr. is carefully removing the breathing assistance so Maddie can finish her earthly journey as quickly and peacefully as possible.

I know your spirit has left your body but I feel you all around me. "I just can't believe you are gone baby girl. Mom will see you each night in my dreams." You are free, you are running with Jesus and all of the Angels. September 14, 2008 at 12:21 PM the Dr. says the words no parent should hear in reference to thier child "Time of death.....". I could not breath, I felt like someone had sucked the breath out of me when he said those words, even though I knew you had left, I could not take hearing the words.

Monday September 22, 2008. We said goodbye to your physical body one last time. We celebrated being chosen to be your parents. It was a beautiful day, and the service was beautiful. You laid in the bassinet that your big sisters slept in as babies.

I made a slide show and Alexis and Olivia watched it over and over again, once in a while they aske to watch it now. you can view slideshow here.

We would later find out that Maddie's cause of death was NEC (Necrotizing Enterocolitis), she had the most severe form and had less than a 10% chance to get it because she was getting my milk, and an even smaller chance of having it so severe. I hope that one day with research they find a way to prevent this 100% so no parent has to go through what we went through.

And here is Maddie today. The silver urn holds her ashes and one day she will be burried with Don or I.

We will be walking today, Sunday April 25th, for the March of Dimes to help raise funds and awareness about prematurity.

Every day, thousands of babies are born too soon, too small and often very sick. Our team is walking in March for Babies because we want to do something about this.

Please consider walking with us or making a small tax deductable donation: Click here to learn more or donate

Funds raised in March for Babies support research and programs that help moms have full-term pregnancies and babies begin healthy lives. And they will be used to bring comfort and information to families with a baby in newborn intensive care.

Playground

Today ground was broke on the playground. It was a chilly 60 degree morning. Look at the ADORABLE spectators. Note that Maddie's picture is on the big red stroller.








Here my poor attempt at digging. Yes it was not much, but I broke ground. And it felt good.

A new baby to play with. The baby in green coat is a friends little girl. Bridgette is in white and Samantha in Pink & Teddy is in blue.

Teddy is sooo excited to have some guys to hang out with.

The actual people putting in the playground. Thanks for letting me dig the first shovel of dirt.

Here's to you my sweet Madeline Jean, Mommie loves you so much. Thanks for smiling on us today.